intaku mundu vissa(nna) gAru ceppinaTlu "budhdhi ceppu vADu guddina mElayA.."
ani, it was nice on your part to send in the comments and corrections.
> u. nikkamu, sAhitI janani dikkulu pikkila yenta yEDce, no
> kkokka kavISvarunDaTula pATalu, mATalu, rAtalandunan,
> cikkani bUtulE ciliki cETunu decciri telgu bAsakin
> kekkaDi sAhitI sabhalu, gOshThulu, carcalu, padya pUraNal..
> 1 first two lines have no yati.
nijamE mAshTArU, yati niyatini gAliki vadilEyaDam jarigindi, not
because I wanted to take a chance that it is not going to be
observed, but just didn't want to struggle around getting the
right (rather the one I liked) words in place. Didn't mean to
offend anybody with these "yati-less" pUraNAlu. I have no answer
if you say that "yati lEni padyAlu are equivalent to mati lEni
mATalu....(humor intended)..:-))
> 1. There is no telugu word ( to the best of my knowledge )
> "pikkila". But from the context of the line and the closeness
> of letters, I think the intended word is "pikkatila". Some times
> we write the same as "pikkatilla".
Perfect. I wanted to try a little "prayOgam" by coining this word
'pikkila' from pikkaTilla. yekkuva swAtantryAniki pOyi cEtulu
kAlcukunnaTlayyindi kAbOlu. I really do not know why I wanted
to use this word so badly. mIrinta ceppinA, adinkA nA manasu
lOnunDi tolagi pOvaDam lEdu, ika painainA tongi cUDakunDA
jAgratta paDAli...:-)
> 2. Another point. The word "pikkatil(l)a" is drutaprakritikam.
> Hence yaDagama is not there; see:
> pikkatila + enta => pikkatilan + enta
> => pikkatilanenta
Very true, Sir. That was a mistake in getting carried over by
the USAGE of pikkila. It must have been "nEla" with no yaDAgamamu,
I know that no more poetic liberty is allowed in this case.
> 3. The next line ends with "rAtalandunan"
> As per the norms of the classical telugu grammatical usage,
> "raata" is incorrect ( so called grammmya ) and the correct
> rendering is "vraata"
aksharAlA nijam, kAnI, Of late, I got somehow used to writing
vrAta and rAta interchangeably esp.. when I think that one is
more "musical and rhythmic" than the other and of course,
fulfilling on the mAtrA requirement. May be amateurs like me
are over bent upon getting the vyAvahArikam in our padya
pUraNa attempts.
Not to pull this discussion away into one on grAndhika and
vyavahArika usage of words, Can anybody in the forum think
of any good CandO badhdha poem(s) with the usage of "rAta"
in the place of "vrAta" ??
> 4 When you say okkoka kavIswarundu... the words tecchiri
> does not fit very well in the poem. Needs to be changed.
Excellent. For SURE, It is an overlooking on my part.
I do not want to re-invent the question of the usage of
"each of you, all of us, any one item" and other such terms
and the gender and the number they carry with them..:-)
> May I suggest, with minor corrections of corse, the same poem in
> this way,
> u. nikkamu, sAhitI janani yEdvaga dikkulu pikkaTilla no
> kkokka kavISvarunDaTula hOruna pATalu, mATaladunan,
> cikkani bUtulE ciliki cETunu goorpaga; telgu bAsakin
> kekkaDi sAhitI sabhalu, gOshThulu, carcalu, padya pUraNal..
bAgundi mAshTArU, mI mArpu cErpulaki nA dhanya vAdAlu.
If you do not mind, (adE, maLLI nannu vElu peTTanistE..:-)), I would
prefer to modify it a little bit to EMPHASIZE more on my selection of
words and to convey the meaning that I intended to put forward....
u. nikkamu, sAhitI janani dikkulu mrOgaga yEDce nentayun
nokkokka kavISwarunDaTula hOruna pATalu mATalandunan
cikkani bUtulE ciliki cETunu gUrpaga, telgu bAsakin
kekkaDi sAhitI saBalu, gOshThulu, carcalu, padya pUraNal..
The only correction I made was to the first line where I thought that
the usage of the word "nikkamu - emphasizing on - either something which
has already happened(1) or something which is in continuation(2)", but
I preferred using nikkamu - with - yEDcenu(1)(past tense) rather than
using it like "yEDvade (2)". But somehow, I think that I can not use
the word "yEDvaga" in that poem to support the situation. Ofcourse,
believing that in mind, I had to change the dikkulu pikkaTilla into
"dikkulu mrOgaga". That poem still has the poetic liberty of using
"telgu" in place of "telugu" for the question of proper metre, but, I
prefer leaving it like that with no more "mAtrA vaidyamu" from my side
and that is the inconvenience I feel in FORCING the yati also. I hope
you understand what I mean.
BTW, any objections for "mrOgaga" ? Could I have used "mrOvaga" or
"mrOyaga" and still preserved the meaning ?? Just some sincere questions
on the alternatives as they sound more "musical, rhythmic and apt" for
me. (I know that what is musical and rhythmic to one ear could be a
boisterous cacophony to the other..:-)).
These are just my comments and observations and I invite your comments
and corrections hoping that with all of you around, this is going to be
a nice learning experience for me and other amateurs like me. I really
appreciate your time and patience for putting up with these attempts,
though, I donno' how many times did you have to think like this ---
"padyAlu kaTTaDAnikI, nAbOTi vALLu padyAlu kuTTaDAnikI, puTTukatO
vaccina paLLakI, kaTTuDu paLLAkI unnanta tEDA undi"......:-))
regards..
- Ram ( Ramabhadra Dokka from sdokka@st6000.sct.edu)