My impressions:
I just received by FAX xerox copy of the story "iiDu" by Volga sent by Sri
Satyanarayana Ari. First I must thank him for getting me exposed to her
stories. It was a beautiful story to read. The story is simple, short
and to the point. It is neither revolutionary, nor I do consider it as
feministic, but it is more a humanistic approach to life. I guess many may
be familiar about it, but I am going to discuss it any way. However much
Pillalamarri would like, I cannot separate the literary vs social since
this literature is about a social problem.
The story revolves around two neighbors, Gangaadharam and Vijayalakshmi
whose spouses died one after the other. Gangaadharam living in his past,
making mess of his present life, since he was spoiled (I would say by his
wife, but Volga would argue by the tradition, and she may be right) and
does not know how to take care of himself, the house, or his life. He is
used to the traditional male role of being a "couch potato", demanding bed
service from his wife (pun intended), and while she was alive complaining
more than complimenting her. The traditional male chauvinistic attitude.
I have seen this in this country too ( although not in my house!- I can say
freely since my wife is not reading this e-mail; for one, she takes her own
vacation to India every summer to celebrate her freedom, I mean freedom
from her school!).
What Volga brings out beautifully is this traditional stereotype roles
where husband should be like that and wife should be like that approach.
There is no give and take on both sides, but only from one side, that is
from the weaker sex - give whatever is demanded and take only whatever is
given. I do agree with Volga, this attitude is ingrained from generations,
but it is true all over the world not necessarily our culture. That does
not mean it is justified. Same mothers who complained about the dowry
that their fathers had to give, demand dowry for their sons. There was a
telugu movie " attaa okinTi kODalE". bringing about this traditional
slavery/boss approach of Indian family life.
What Volga is trying to bring out is, it is neither Gangaadharam's fault
nor Suguna, his wife's fault, but the product of the accepted traditional
norm that wife must serve and husband must be served. Because, his
neighbor, Vijayalakshmi was also in the same boat when her husband was
alive. Only when their spouses died, Gangaadharam, who has been accustomed
to get bed service, is now in a mess, while Vijayalakshmi finds relieved
since there is no demanded service that has to be done. Contrary to his
expectation, Gangaadharam finds Vijayalakshmi more cheerful and happy, and
is able to cope up with the lose of her spouse than he could in a similar
situation. He gets his shock when she reject his proposal to her, since
she points out what he is looking for is a servant to serve him, rather a
partner to share his life. Since he is in need of service, while she is
breathing relief, and does not want to get into any more of server role.
Looking at her, he starts learning how to live, how to be independent of
any body's service. Once the traditional attitudes drop out, what remains
between them is pure love that blooms towards the end of the story.
I find Volga in this story is not against our culture but is against
accepted roles for the weaker sex. Attitudes that demand service from them,
rather than based on love that involves mutual give and take approach,
which is actually the foundation of any true marriage. As the society is
rapidly changing even in India, from one bread winner to both as bread
winners, the sharing of house work becomes demanding on both. The
traditional "couch potato" approach is no more traditional, but is
inhuman. The so-called traditional roles are changing to some extent.
This gets more manifested as the female becomes financially more secure.
Education and employment with equal opportunity is essential to bring this
equanimity.
In this connection, as a father of a daughter, I have to bring an
interesting situation in the traditional arranged marriages for the second
generation kids in this country. A son brought up in this country will
not have much of a problem in getting married to a girl from India, since
as Volga brings out that the girls in India are brainwashed enough that
they can easily be accommodated to his bossiness! I am not saying that he
will be happy on that count. But a girl brought up here will find it
miserable to get used to the demands of a boy brought up with traditional
male chauvinistic expectations in India.
But for a happy marriage what we need to overcome is in addition to
physical dependence, the emotional dependence on the spouses, which drains
the energy of both. I find our heroin Vijayalaksmi was not immune from
this either, since when Gangaadharam was away with his grandchild, she
became pale and miserable without eating properly. Volga uses this
scenario to tell us how much she really loves him. I do not know if that
is the expression of love or is it another stereotype bringing-up of
woman. When they were apart, Gangaadharam enjoyed himself although I am
sure he missed her too. I do not know if Volga could have brought out
their love without making Vijayalakshmi starve during his absence.
For one thing, I love my wife dearly, and I miss her when she is away
every summer, but fact of the matter is I become more fat in her absence
when she is away. This is because, there is no one at home to restrict my
intake of fat, second unlike Gangaadharam I am very good cook,( although
washing vessels and cleaning the big mess I make during cooking is a
different question), and third I have more free dinner invitations from my
Chinmaya Mission friends who think that they have to feed me when my wife
is not there!
Bottom line: I enjoyed very much reading Volga's story "iiDu". Now I am
determined to get more of her books, from wherever they are available. If
you have not read her stories, you are missing a lot. It is not like some
story you read and toss it out, but something that makes one to contemplate
on his own life and the life around, and the value system we unconsciously
brought with us. That is what I call as a good story writing. She made
me to think. Now, when my wife comes back I have to ask her how much of a
male chauvinistic husband I am. I will definitely report her answer since
I am confident that I am not of Gangaadharam type in his purva vaasam.
Coming back to Volga, I do not find any feminism in this story. It is
more what I call a humanistic approach to life. What she is against is the
cancer grown in the name of tradition. But I truly believe she is fighting
for and not against culture. That is how I advocate her work.
Hari Om!
Sadananda
K. Sadananda
Code 6323
Naval Research Laboratory
Washington D.C. 20375
Voice (202)767-2117
Fax:(202)767-2623
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What you have is His gift to you and what you do with what you have is your
gift to Him: Swami Chinmayananda
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