Re. On chali & vEsavi.
STADIGAD.US.ORACLE.COM (STADIGAD@us.oracle.com)
28 Apr 97 15:10:35 -0700
In the kanda padyam
ahamulu sannamu lAyenu
dahanuDu hitavayye dIrghataralayye niSal
bahu SitOpEtambai
yuhuhU yana vaNake jagamu lurvInAthA!
We have few small problems.
Is it dIrghataralu or dIrghatarAlu? The former may not be
proper usage. But if you correct it as dIrghatarAlu then
Line 2 does not follow rules.
It flows correctly upto
dahanuDu hitavayye dIrgha
as per rules and then breaks them.
Probably the line should be read as
dahanuDu hitavayye dIrghataramayye niSal.
Also, in the last line I believe the correct version should be
yuhuhU yani and not yuhuhU yana.
As per the 'dhOraNi' of the poem, it lacks consistancy. Having said
sannamu lAyenu, hitavayye and dIrghatarAlayye do not fit the style.
To justify the line 2 style the line 1 should read as
ahamulu sannamu layyenu.
Well the first two lines then do not match the kind of language and flow
of the last two. Firts part of poem entirely bent on 'telugu' side and
second dosed with strong sanskrit samAsas. This is like the famous slOkam
bhOjanam dEhi rAjEndra, ghRuta sUpa samanvitam |
mAhishamcha Sarshcandra chandrikA dhavaLam dadhi ||
[ The second line was by kALidAsu; first line was by three students
who were trying hard to compose one slOkam. So the story says. One
can easily spot more than one author for the tiny slOkam! ]
To evenize the flow and language, may be, the poem reads as:
ahamulu sannamu lAyenu
dhanuDu hitavAye dIrghataralAye niSal
bahu SitOpEtambai
yuhuhU yani vaNake jagamu lurvInAthA!
Now dIrghataralAye or dIrghataramAye? I prefer the former because
of the follower word niSal.
Now we see the second line changed at two places and the rest of
the poem almost as per the original post. In toto. there were
three minor changes.
Still I am not comfortable with the third line. Though every thing
is in order, the word 'SitOpEtambai' does not fit the 'pace' of the
poem.
- Tadigadapa Syamala Rao.
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