Katta Murty.
Subject: Do You Know European?
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.
European officials have pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult. For example: cough, plough, here, hear,
bow, bough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased
program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would be
administered by a committee of top level staff chosen by the
participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee might suggest using "s"
instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities
would resieve this news with joy. The hard "c" could then be replased
by "k" sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. This would not only
klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters
and keyboards kould be made with one less letter, a signifikant
savings.
In the sekond year, bekause of growing enthusiasm, it will be
announsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f".
This would make words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag
is disgrasful. Therefor, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and
writ as though nothing had hapend.
By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would
be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze
funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is, after al, half a
"w".
Finaly, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from vords kontaining "ou".
Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer konbinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
riten stil. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis
and evrion vud fin it ezi tu understan esh ozer. Ze drems of ze E.U.
vud finali kum tru.