> Subject: Do You Know European?
>
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#41 10-APR-1996 05:36:57.63 MAIL
> Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
> officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
> commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
> communications between Government departments.
>
> European officials have pointed out that English spelling is
> unnecessarily difficult. For example: cough, plough, here, hear,
> bow, bough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased
> program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would be
> administered by a committee of top level staff chosen by the
> participating nations.
>
> In the first year, for example, the committee might suggest using "s"
> instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities
> would resieve this news with joy. The hard "c" could then be replased
> by "k" sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. This would not only
> klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters
> and keyboards kould be made with one less letter, a signifikant
> savings.
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#41 10-APR-1996 05:36:57.63 MAIL
>
> In the sekond year, bekause of growing enthusiasm, it will be
> announsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f".
> This would make words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter in print.
>
> In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
> expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
> possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters
> which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag
> is disgrasful. Therefor, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and
> writ as though nothing had hapend.
>
> By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would
> be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze
> funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is, after al, half a
> "w".
>
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#41 10-APR-1996 05:36:57.63 MAIL
> Finaly, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from vords kontaining "ou".
> Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer konbinations of leters.
>
> Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
> riten stil. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis
> and evrion vud fin it ezi tu understan esh ozer. Ze drems of ze E.U.
> vud finali kum tru.
>
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