nAku Oha telisina nAtinici, eppudu sAhitAnni AswAdincina pApAnna pOledu.
(There was a stern discouragement from my father - saying that "ivi tinDi
peTTavu", and his point was an extremely reasonable one too). All the
earlier generations were into "pourOhityam". For me the only way to make
a living would have been by getting a degree and a job.
Another obstacle was the apathy towards fine arts from the middle-class
people. Somehow, there is something "bad" associated with arts/sports...
(Not surprisingly, I don't even know a relative/friend/friend's relative..
who is good at some sport or art). May be it is a way the "middle-class"
people guard their children from "straying" into other "unproductive" areas.
(It worked for me. There were very few fascinations for me when I was a
child, and all those girls moved out of the school/locality sooner or
later :), so the fancies were sublimated into mathematics I guess!).
My only claim to teluguness is that I could read and write telugu by the
age of 4. (Being the eldest, I was the center of attention for my mother).
After such a start, there was always this exponential decay, and I ended up
only reading crap right from my childhood. There was never an appreciation
for fine arts. (I still remember, how strongly I fought with my folks when
they wanted to go to "SankarABaraNam" movie, and I didn't want to.. I forced
my father to take me to another movie instead - may be my mother should have
whacked me then - but then again, I have become resistant to whacking too
:). The TV used to be shut off when there is a classical dance performance,
and the we used to curse the radio station for broadcasting "bODi
sangeetham", instead of "fast-songs".
My uncles in the village didn't seem to help the cause either. They were
impressed that I could sing a couple of lines of some hindi song, or could
speak english. For them, that was the ambition, and the attitude was "who
cares about telugu stuff anyway".. And the final nail in the coffin was from
the school people, who made life so miserable; we had to mug up the poems,
summaries etc.. irrespective of whether we liked it or not.. And the
only things I found likeable were the "SRngAra references" :). All that
changed after 10th. No more telugu, no more pain...
Meanwhile, the standard of the stuff I was reading gradually kept falling.
All those "bAlala navalalu" used to be like "BallUka mAntrikudu", "mArjAla
mAntrikudu", "pinjAri mAntrikudu".. slowly the focus shifted to "saparivAra
patrikalu", (the sa - stands for soft, pa - porn, and ra - rut). Needless
to say, they were extremely enjoyable for me :).
Slowly, things were going to get worse.. Managed to squeeze through to
Madras. Then slowly I could no longer get any telugu material (except for
letters from home). (Ofcourse, the telugu porn literature in the hostels is
not counted here :). Days turned into years, and soon I was to find myself at
Rutgers, where I am one of the most well versed in telugu!! (What a shame).
Any telugu person I meet, either can't read/write telugu, or doesn't care
about it.
Personally, I would be satisfied even if I could get to taste a drop of the
"sAhitya sAgaramu", but my bigger ambition is that atleast the later
generations would get the opportunity to savour all the stuff I missed! I
guess art and sport have something to do with money; if there is a struggle
for survival, where one has to do very well in order to even get a job, the
question of sport and art doesn't arise. Once one has the financial security
etc, more often it is a bit late for art/sport. (never too late though). By
providing the financial security, there would be a better chance for art.
(Incidentally that is my theory as to why ABCDs are generally good at some
art or another)..
I feel the same way about sport/art as an illeterate feels about
education. (However, I manage to get the fun in sports; being a big-bully
around, I get to play soccer well :). Finer things (like art, playing
cricket) have eluded me a lot.
Hoping to savour atleast a drop of sAhityamu/sangItamu.
Sastry.
P.S : May be the interest in art (however tiny it is), for me, came from
the religious rituals. The route could be (religion -> kirtanas ->
literature ..).
Anyone with similar experiences?